I don’t think that anything I write will make any difference to the present situation ~ infact it will probably give more fuel against us but the truth I have never been afraid to write or face and I will defend truth to the end.
I didn’t have an easy childhood. I wouldn’t say I wasn't’t wanted but perhaps I wasn’t wanted for the right reasons. My mother was married twice. The first time to my eldest brothers father ~ the second time to my youngest brother’s father. She lost two babies before me ~ one with an enlarged brain and the second with a heart defect. I was born premature and weighed less than 3 pounds. I wore dolls shoes and my Uncle in The Black Watch Regiment carried a pair of them as his lucky mascot through the Korean War in 1952.
I was born in London three years after the Second World War. The streets where I lived and played were full of bomb sites. When I was born my father wanted to take me back to Ireland to be brought up with his family. My grandmother told me he used to bounce me on his knee. I don’t remember him but he came to collect me from school one day but I had gone to a friend’s house and missed him. That was the last I heard about him until my mother was dying. On her death bed she said she was sorry she hadn’t told me more about him and the only thing she could tell me then was that he had been shot in Ireland by the IRA some years before. I did try to trace my father after I got married but didn’t have any luck.
When my Mother was very ill I brought her down to my house and she died in hospital here six weeks later. I sat with her for a week as she slowly died and on her death bed she said to me that she never ever expected me to look after her like that but she was my Mother and although she didn't bring me up I loved her and in the end she was proud of me not my Brothers and loved me.
When I was born my grandmother took me and brought me up with my eldest brother Harry. She said my mother didn’t want me ~ my mother said some years later that my grandmother wouldn’t let her have me. Just before I was born my grandmother had been going to adopt a little girl who she had been fostering but the girl caught phenomena and died so I guess I replaced her. On the back of my birth certificate it refers to an agreement of my adoption by my grandparents and when I found this in my grandfather’s desk I was very angry but my Nan said it had never gone through because my mother had not consented to it. I found out at an early age that one didn’t get into half as much trouble by telling the truth and I have followed that belief throughout my life and my children have that same quality ~ they tell the truth.
When I was nine years old I was sent off to a Boarding School paid for by my youngest brother’s father. I didn’t want to go away to school but nobody asked me! I lost all my friends. I ran away from school. I remember dragging this enormous trunk down a country lane but I didn’t get far. I was nine years old! Every school after that they sent me to I ran away from. I just wanted to be at home in London with my Nan. I went to Cosway Street school infants and juniors until I was nine. After that I went to four boarding schools and three days schools in between while they sorted out more boarding schools! I left school at fifteen with no o’levels.
We didn’t have a bath in our house. We only had a crock kitchen sink and a metal bath on the scullery roof that my granddad brought in when it was needed. When I wanted a proper bath I went down to the swimming baths in Seymore Place where you could hire a bath and also there was a communal laundry with scrubbing boards and enormous dryers where I took my Nan’s washing. I had to walk everywhere because my family never owned a car. On a Saturday I had to walk to the local market to get groceries for my Nan.
My Nan bought me everything I wanted. I could go into the local toy shop, take what I wanted and they would bill her for it. At Christmas there were so many presents. My mother only brought up my youngest brother Paul. She idolised him. He died of affixiation when he was 33 years old in 1990. He was a diabetic. I never realised how devastated my Mother must have felt until I nearly lost my son in December 1996.
When I used to visit my Mother in Kensington Paul and I used argued like siblings do and he always said ‘she’s not your mum she’s mine’. He could be very cruel at times but as we got older we got on better and to my children he was their favourite uncle.
My Brother Harry was eight years older than me and Paul was eight years younger than me. Harry had a bad stutter when he was young and when he left school he couldn’t read or write. I used to write his letters for him to his girl friend in Scotland and wrote the letter asking Wilma to marry him. I couldn’t tell Harry but I was so sad because I felt I had lost the one Brother I was very close to. Harry moved up to Scotland to his other Gran. They were a lovely family and always treated me like one of their own.
I had four Uncles. Three by my Grandfather’s first marriage to Lizzie Shand related to Jimmy Shand the Scottish Band Leader. My Mother’s first husband was related to Nellie Nisbet quite a famous old actress. My Grandmother only had two children by her first husband, my Uncle John and my Mother. My Uncle John was a real skinflint. He lived in Basildon before immigrating to Australia. He owned his own house and had a new car every year but I remember the box of Liquorish Allsorts I got for Christmas one year!
My Grandparents loved each other very much and came down to London in 1938 from Scotland. My grandfather was an Air Raid Warden and my Mother worked in a munitions factory in Marylebone Road. My Grandmother’s first husband used to batter her. She was one of fourteen. Her Mother was a midwife and when she died the whole village turned out for her funeral over 200 people! My grandmothers Father was a Kirk Elder and very strict. My Nan divorced her first husband who later died of TB in Glasgow. One of my Nan’s sisters was real bully. She used to wait outside the mill where my Nan worked and on pay day used to take my Nan’s money from her. As soon as they were able to marry my Grandfather brought my Nan away from all that to London. They were always arguing and my Grandfather was a heavy drinker. Every Saturday night when I was young I had to sit in the Off Licence bit of the pub where they went. Sometimes we went to the bar in Marylebone Station. God do I hate Pubs!! Only on very seldom occasions did I take my children into Pub Gardens and then that would be on our way home from the coast on a Sunday. My Husband and I seldom drink alcohol and that would just be at festive seasons or the few parties we went to when we were younger. I very seldom have alcohol in my house but I do have a bottle of Brandy as I’m a strong believer in the ‘Hot Toddy’ for Colds and Flu. My son occasionally drinks Low alcohol drinks if he is away on holiday and my two daughters only drink socially if they go out at weekends. So none of my children have the drinking vice!!
My Nan died two days before my eldest daughter was born and my Grandfather died when I was six months pregnant with Catherine. He missed my Nan so much and died eighteen months after her. They both died of cancer.
When I was young we didn’t have a garden, we didn’t have a car, we didn’t have a bath room, my room had asbestos in it which I remember being removed from the house. Our house had a flat roof which we used to picnic on top of in the summer. It was tallest house in the street because we didn’t have a ground floor as in the Victorian days underneath was a handsome cab stable. We didn’t have a view either ~ opposite was the 70 foot high Marylebone Station Wall!! It was creepy dark and very damp old house. One day Harry hid in the corner at the bottom of the stairs and grabbed me as I came out of the living room ~ I still remember how terrified I was. My Nan used to let one of the two top rooms and she and my Grandfather slept in the living room.
Weekends were a nightmare and the amount of times my Nan threw my Granddads Sunday Lunch into the open fire I lost count of. My Granddad never once hit my Nan but if Harry or I were naughty we would get a clip round the ear. He used to hit my Brother more. If he went for me I bolted down the stairs and was half way up the street before he got to the front door! I went back home when it calmed down.
I had one good friend Margaret. We used to draw hopscotch all over the pavement ~ play two balls against the Station Wall, play with our dolls, draw train tracks all over the road with chalk and go around to the local taxi garage and make a house!
I once stole a pond from my Nan’s purse which she missed. I went around to the sweet shop and bought some farthing sweets! I had so much change I didn’t know what to do with it. When I got home my Nan asked me if I had taken it and that was when I learnt that I didn’t get into as much trouble by telling the truth. She said ok don’t do it again and the subject was over. I never stole anything again.
An older man who lived around the corner called Fred befriended my Brother Harry. He taught Harry to read and write and treated him as his son. My Brother had very good jobs after that. He always had his suits hand made by a little Jewish Tailor at the bottom of our street. Harry and Wilma came back down from Scotland for a short time. Harry became PR Man in this Country to the American Mrs Getty, Paul Getty’s sister-in-law. He bought a guest house in Scotland and commuted to England when Mrs Getty was in the Country. He looked after her friends who came over to England and took them Grouse shooting in Scotland in the season. Harry Died 30th December 2002. At 50 he was diagnosed with Pre-Senile Dementia and died of Phenomena. Robert, Jade and I went to the Scotland for his Funeral. One of my Brother’s Aunts came into the house and nearly fainted when she saw my Robert. She said he was the spitting image of Harry when he was young. Harry’s body was in the Living Room so we spent some time with him before the burial and there was a small gathering in the Church the night before for prayers.
I had everything material when I was young but I don’t think I had the love I wanted and needed.
I was raped at 15 years old by one of my Nan’s lodgers, I was molested by one of my Brothers Friends on a number of occasions and I was molested by my Step Father once and by a Social Worker! My Brother’s friend stopped me in the street some twenty years later and said how sorry he was. I accepted his apology and said it was water under the bridge ~ such a long time ago. I always worked from the day I left School. At eighteen I worked in a Quantity Surveyors Office during the day and was an usherette in The Odeon Cinema in Edgware Road at night. Catching the underground one night on the way home on a deserted platform I met my first 'raincoat flasher'! When I got home I tearfully told my Nan what happened expecting a cuddle and all I got was 'that's life'! I was so nieve, one Sunday my Nan told me to go window shopping ~ I said I can't I don't have any money!
I used to walk miles in London. We had a poodle Sally and I used to walk from Marylebone to the Embankment and back. The Krays ruled then and London was a much safer place. You couldn't do that walk at 14 years old now.
Well I left School without any qualifications! I worked my way up from my first shop assistant job to a number of managerial positions. After Robert got knocked down he bought a computer and I taught myself how to use it. Everything I have learnt in life I have learnt from people who had confidence in me and trusted me. You don’t learn at School ~ you start learning when you leave School.
My eldest Daughter had 10 O Levels ~ 6 A Levels and a BA hons. When she left University she didn’t want a graduate job so she applied for a position in a library. She didn’t get the job because she was Over Educated!! They gave the job to someone with just O Levels! That is the trouble with this Country. The small companies will not employ people with a high standard of education! Why? Because they don’t want to train someone who they know will move on in a shorter time that someone less educated!
And the large companies want people they can train and nurture to their way of thinking _ in other words they don’t want people who will think for themselves. Education can lead to catch 22 situations! The whole of a persons life does not depend on their education ~ there are actually things more important in a persons development than education meets!
Did my upbringing disadvantage me in anyway? No! Am I a worse person for it? No! Did it affect me psychologically? No! It made me a far stronger person than someone brought up with a silver spoon in their mouth. It was a learning stage and I came through it.
We all make our own way in life. We have the choice to do good or bad and at the end of the day we are all responsible for our own actions and the way we turn out! Blaming anyone for the way we are would be a cop out! It would be nice to have a childhood that never had an angry word, thought or deed but those childhoods only happen in fairy tales.
This is not a nice world but it is a world we have contributed to that has made it the way it is. The problems in this world are all caused by Money! Either too much of it or the lack of it! It is my belief that we place too high the value of materialistic things and too low the value of Love. It’s the old saying ‘money can’t buy you love’! But unfortunately, money does buy people! They are called ‘fair weather friends’. Always there when the sun shines but not there when they are needed. If you have a really good friend be honest and loyal to them and treat them like gold because they are very rare.
Keep your friends close ~ Keep your enemies closer!
I have been married 35 years. We have had our ups and downs as a family. I have been accused of abusing my oldest grandson; of not buying him glasses thus endangering his eyesight ~ like anyone would ever deliberately do such an awful thing! My character has been maligned and degraded. I have been judged as an unfit grandmother on the condition of my person and house! I have been accused of having dealing with Social Services when my children were young! Social Services were never involved with my children until my Catherine was 14 years old and I had an affair.
I think what hurt the most was that a woman could come into my house for 30 minutes every two weeks for a few months and make all these accusations and listen to hearsay from an embittered neighbour who was brought up in care and failed with her own children and couldn’t have my grandson to train where she had failed with her own children! Also listening to an other family who have criminal records and records of violence! Will someone tell me if this can be allowed to happen in England?
I brought three children up. None of them have criminal records ~ none of them have drinking problems ~ none of them take drugs ~ none of them are thieves ~ none of them abuse children or other adults. And they are all very loyal to their family and friends.
Any problems between Catherine and me that existed FIFTEEN years ago do NOT exist now. Tragedy in families bring people close. Spend five months in a hospital 24/7 nursing a brain damaged son back to a reasonable state of health and another year visiting that child in a children’s rehabilitation hospital surrounded by children who will never ever be independent again makes one aware of the dangers out there for children.
And I tell you it makes you take more care of children and protect them more than the average family. The average family have not seen the damage that a split second of distraction can do! Catherine and I have seen it first hand. Do you know what I hate most? Its mother’s with eyes in the back of their heads! You know, the ones walking along the pavement with the toddler trailing 20 feet behind! It takes a split second for a child to be distracted on the other side of the road by a friend or a nice doggy and bang that child has gone. The child climbing on a high wall ~ riding recklessly along the road or footpath! Roaming the streets and estates all hours of the day and night. People on this estate send their out to play in the streets so they can have peace and quiet! Well, I would rather have the noise in my house and garden of my Grandchildren than having something happen to them and never hearing their voices again! There again, I was judged because there were not allowed to run wild on this estate with some not so nice children and a paedophile! And that same friend and neighbour said my grandchildren were allowed to climb out of the windows of my daughters flat and run around the estate! I never heard so many lies. Perhaps she let her children do that but not my Daughter. Yes my granddaughter climbed out a couple of times and my daughter asked the council to fit locks but they couldn’t because the windows in my daughters flat were never meant for ground floor windows. People like my ex friend make statements like that and they are make to sound like something that happened all the time.
Everything that has been said about my family has been escalated. I brought my grandchildren into my house because they were missing school because of health reasons through living in a damp asbestos flat and that has been turned against us. Any schooling my grandchildren have missed has been because of the neglect to the property and effect of that neglect cause by the local council! My daughter was promised radiators in the bedrooms when she moved into the flat! It was FOUR years before she actually got them.
My upbringing made me a stronger person. Made me determined that my children would have a more stable and loving upbringing. My children are not perfect and I have never met a human being that is! But I am very proud of them. My Catherine may not have been a good judge in men but any mistakes she made she faced up to. She could have so easily got rid of her babies but she didn’t because she loved and wanted them all as I loved and wanted my 3 children. When you go through child birth you remember the pain! And believe me you don’t through that pain again if you don’t love that baby enough! Not when abortions are there for the asking these days! Yes it has been hard for her but I am proud of the way she has come through it. She might look complacent but she can rise to the challenge of motherhood and no one will easily take those children from her. Over the last nine weeks those children have shown who and where they want to be and that is with their natural family. The law states a child is best with its mother so who gives these people the authority to judge otherwise. At the end of the day my grandchildren will remember as I remember my childhood being taken from a place that they wanted to stay in and believe me they will never forgive or forget the people who were responsible for those painful memories.
There are people in this world who lip talk and there are people who have been there, done it and got the scars! I’m one of the second. There is not a situation in life that I cannot be sympathetic to and show real understanding and compassion. When I say I know the suffering and pain a person is going through it’s because I have been there! Lip talk is easy - but its experience that counts.
If I come over as volatile or aggressive its because I will not tolerate people being judged and ridiculed when they are not there to defend themselves! I will defend people who are not there to defend themselves. I will not tolerate lies and half truths. I will not tolerate misguided and misleading information being given to people in authority and I cannot understand these people believing this sort of thing and accepting it at face value.
I'm sorry if I come over emotional but seeing my family maligned and destroyed tends to hurt a little!
My Grandchildren may not have been in the poshest of homes but it never occurred to me for one moment that I was being judged on appearances. They were safe, being looked after, being fed proper food, not takeaway or frozen rubbish! They were happy and well loved. I brought my children up to be honest, loyal and not to judge people by the colour of their skin, their appearance or the way they live! And thank God they have never done that.
I have a baby grandson whose emotions have been so messed up by people who have absolutely no knowledge of child psychology. He is not the child that left my house. That child was loving and giving, Was so full of affection and life. Yes, going through the famous ‘terrible 2 year olds’ stage ~ a stage when a child needs its natural mother most. Now all I see is a troubled, sad little boy who doesn’t understand why the people he loved and trusted are not there. A stranger cannot cuddle that little boy like his mother or I. The sooner he is returned to his family the sooner the healing of the damage can be done.
They had concerns for one child but ruined the lives of all 3 because they thought it best to keep them together! Where is the logic in that? A child needs its mother more than a sibling. The sooner people admit the mistake they have made the sooner a family can be rehoused and together again to heal.
What I can’t understand is if people were so concerned about the living conditions why over a three year period did they just build up gossip and lies to form a case to remove children instead of trying to get this small family rehoused? I mean a three year period! Sitting on their backside doing nothing but criticize and fault finding instead of practical help!! Perhaps someone could tell me the logic in that!!
I’ll tell you what it tells me! They cared NOTHING for my daughter and grandchildren as a family! They spent 3 years protecting their own back and watching and intimidating, harassing. Infact everything but helping! They could have rented a house for my daughter. But they didn’t want to. All they want is my Grandchildren and I do NOT believe they have the slightest intention of returning them. Even now everything is written down at the meetings with the children. They are slowly building a case to keep the children to present to the courts in the middle of this year.
My Daughter is receiving no help or support from Social Services. Why are they not trying to get her rehoused? If their intentions were good and honorable they would be going out of their way to help find her a house. They have my grandchildren and have no concern for the rest of the families whose lives they have ruined.
I love my children and grandchildren more than anything else in the world. My first thoughts in the morning are of the children and my last thoughts at night are of them. Not a day goes by when I don’t hide and cry. How people can be so misguided and misled into thinking that what they are doing is best for the children I do not understand.
No one knows better than a mother what is best for her children.
I have spent my life helping other. I have spent years doing rituals to help people, to send healing to people and the planet. So what right have you to judge me? You have no right! You don’t even know me!! What right have you to judge my Daughter by her actions at fourteen? You have no right! You do not know her!
What right have you to judge my disable son? You have not right! You don’t know him!
What right have you to judge whether my Grandchildren are happy? You have no right! You do not know them!
I know my Children and My Grandchildren. I know there deepest wishes and desires. I know there mood swings and I know most of all when they are sad! How do I know them so well? Because they are part of my body! Which you have torn away. Time may heal a little but I will never forgive or forget!
Quite frankly at the moment we are being treated like criminals. All visitations with the children are being watched by a sitter and conversations and appearances are being recorded ~ why??? They don't even have that type of security in prison ~ believe me!!
Why am I paranoid about lies? Could it be because I spent 3 days in the dock of the Old Bailey with loads of people and reporters looking at me and a week on remand in Holoway Prison because of a person's lies. A man being sued by his wife for divorce and who is worth 6 million pounds in money and accets is hardly likely to admit to having a sexual relationship with someone who worked for him! And by the way ~ In Holoway I saw two Psychiatrists NOT one and they both said I was very sain! This all happened when Catherine was 14 years old. This is the past they dragged up to put my Grandchildren on a child protection register. There is and has never been any evidence that my Grandchildren have been abused by their Mother or Myself. Do you know how many years it took me to get over that episode in my life! I had cancer the year after.
I have worked hard all my life right up to I had cancer. When my eldest daughter was born I did a cleaning job and took her in her pram with me. We didn't live in a Council House then and I had never ever lived in a Council House before until 6 years after we were married. It was the worst thing we ever did ~ I didn't realise the stigmata that went with being a Council Tenant. My Husband worked hard all his life and was only unemployed for six weeks when the firm he worked for went into liquidation. We went to the local dole office and I was so ashamed at asking for a government handout I broke down and cried! Michael was offered a job by an old employer and school friend and was with them up until he had a massive stroke in 1995, the year before Robert got hit by a car. We never had any Benefits until then. When my children were small I always did night work and was up at 7am every morning to give them breakfast and take them to school. I'm in trouble for taking my Grandchildren to school! I always had to walk to school ~ why should my Grandchildren have to walk in all weathers if I live on the same estate as them and have a car?
This is a disabled family. Do not expect us to be like the average run of the mill family! Do not treat us like the average ran of the mill family. These children have been brought up with disabled people and that gives them an edge on life above other children. It means they will always respect and understand the needs of the disabled better ~ they will never look on a disabled person as a second class citizen like a good many other children from 'run of the mill' households do. When my son walks in this estate with his walking frame the children out there look at him and treat him like he's a freak. All being new families recently moved here in the last few years don't know that Robert was like them at one time. Running around, climbing trees and playing. I wrote the poem at the bottom about Robert when he was six. My son lost all his friends after his accident. They couldn't handle pushing him around in a wheelchair. My grandchildren idolise their Uncle and his heart has been broken. My grandchildren gave my husband and son a lot of pleasure and a reason to be alive and that has been taken from them. Do you think that is a nice thing?
My grandchildren have made their wishes very strongly to you. My Baby grandson made his very clear to me. He took my car keys from my bag, grabbed my hand pulling me towards the garden centre door and said car,car,come,quick quick! A pleading look in his eyes that broke my heart and their was nothing I could do. He wanted me to take him home and I couldn’t! Even at 2 ½ he knows what he wants! I will never never allow you to put any of my Grandchildren up for forced adoption! Least of all the baby! So be prepared for a long and dirty battle if that is your intention. And if you consider that good for my grandchildren then you are the most evil and cruel people I know.
The best things in Life are worth fighting for and nothing is better than my Grandchildren!
So just what are your plans? I want to know and the world wants to know as well!
We all make mistakes in life but it takes a strong person to admit it.
So what is the moral here?
NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER!
My Sunshine
Little boy full of wonder,
how I watch thee with delight.
Running round and round the garden ~
catching everything in sight.
Arms and legs never stopping,
always asking questions galore.
Constant chatter ~ constant laughing
knowledge always seeking more.
Happy in your little garden ~
digging holes and finding worms!
Beetles, slugs, snails your best pals,
no fear you for catching germs.
Climbing to the top of trees ~
making my heart leap with fear!
Then quickly running to my side,
cuddling me tightly as you see a tear.
Exhausted by the day, you drop.
eyes still searching ~ not quite sinking!
Mischievousness clear behind your gaze,
if only I knew what you were thinking.
Little boy, full of wonder,
how I watch thee with delight.
Running round and round the garden
catching everything in sight.
